I don’t want to sit next to you

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Disclaimer (since people can be so literal at times): This is a mockery. I aim to poke fun at my ridiculous tendencies. I do not mean offense nor disrespect to anyone who would associate themselves with one or more of the personalities enumerated below.

"I don't care."

“I don’t care.”

I am generally a peaceful person (smirks). On days I am hormotional, I have my misgivings when it comes to sitting beside someone while traveling. On days I want to be left alone, I have my reservations when it comes to sharing my thoughts with a seatmate. On days I am unlucky, I need to be on my own so as not to channel my misfortune on others.

Here I share with you some personalities you may not want to sit with or be within a radius of one foot when having a bad day in a trip.

Crying tots. Just no. Yes they are adorable, chubby, and cute; but when you have a headache, a wailing baby on overdrive is not the better alternative to paracetamol. On top of that, seeing the hapless mom or dad feeling at a loss is simply – sad.

Heavy people. Not to be mean, but I dread sitting next to someone a bit on the heavy side. A one-hour bus ride is tolerable. What if it is an extended overland trip? Twelve hours of being squished in a tiny seat next to someone big is plain uncomfortable.

Loud snorers. Ah, the envy of insomniacs – people who, as soon as they rest their head, doze off to dreamland. Not cool if they start blaring snores in your ear, or worse, using your shoulder as a p-i-l-l-o-w.

Stinky dudes. This includes inconsiderate smokers, not just unhygienic travelers. Sweat and (unpleasant) body fumes are never okay. They trigger a massive throb in the head, and will be the death of anyone.

"What now, human?"

“What now, human?”

Chatty fellows. This includes the person with a mobile glued to his ear, and the duo who shares a conversation while you are literally sitting in between them. This especially refers to those who think they can charm their way to the heavens. They ask you personal questions and your opinion on everything. They shove their photos in your face, and demand to see snaps on your phone.

Alpha parents. You have these so called overacting individuals. They are neither a type A or B – but an OA. OA parents are a bane not only to their kids, but also to those who do not find them amusing. They hover, they police, they watch. They are overeager, and are just plain overachievers.

Incessant nitpickers. Nothing wrong with airing grievances if you feel like you are on the short end of the stick. I complain too, at times publicly but most of the times only in my head. What drives me nuts are those berating the service personnel and not getting any amount of satisfaction. At all.

Intoxicated passengers. Those under the influence who have no control over their motor skills and mental state are annoying and dangerous.

Do you have the same experience? I hope your next trip includes none of the above.

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